Hosted by The UnMom
The participation for Musical Monday this week was phenomenal!! Yay you guys!! It's just a little thing still, but very cool to see it grow week after week! I'm glad everyone's having fun with it!
Only six more days until the Celebration of Peace and Coexistence! I'm really starting to get excited! When you see the eight days of beautiful peace-inspired giveaways you will be very excited too!
I'm going to leave all the giveaways open until the Celebration is over, so if you miss a day, it's ok, you can jump in and get your entries in anytime. And there will be lots of ways to enter, so lots of chances to win!
Remember when I talked about how Extreme Home Makeover makes me gush tears every time I watch it? Well, the makers of that show are now coming out with something new... Find My Family.
No.
Thank.
You.
If you read the article it even says, "There won't be a dry eye by the end of each episode."
Clearly they are on a mission to make people cry!!!
I honestly don't think I could handle that show! Lost loves, lost family members, reunited. Ugh, emotionally speaking, I think it's something I should totally avoid.
I'm desperately trying to get Trinity to tell me what she wants for Christmas, but I'm not making much progress. The problem with her is that she doesn't play with toys. She wants toys, because they look fun. But then I buy them and they just sit there. She still has toys from last year that haven't even been opened yet!
So... what to get her? She says she wants a fish. And a couple new CDs. Totally do-able. But... that's not much of a Christmas. I mean, I can't just have a fish bowl with a bow on it and two CDs under the tree!
And I have no idea what to get Zoe because I don't know where she'll be and what she'll be allowed to have. So... I'm a little frustrated about all that. I want to get the shopping done but I guess I really can't.
I have though made a vow this year to not buy anyone gifts (although I'd like to make some things if I could get my artsy-craftsy mojo back) but my own kids, and give some money to charity. I really just can't afford it. Not sure how that's going to go over with the rest of the family but they'll just have to deal with it. I know I'm not the only one right now with a cash flow problem so hopefully they will understand. It's not really supposed to be all about the gifts anyway, right?
I haven't had any time or energy to devote to art lately. Like, at all. And I'm really not liking that. Like, at all. I had planned on making a 2010 calendar featuring my cemetery photography but it just never happened, and now we're damn near half way through November. I've also received a couple of call for art invites but have nothing to submit and no inspiration to work on anything. I really hate being in this rut but I'm not sure how to get out of it. Just sitting down and working on something doesn't work for me. I need to really feel it or it just doesn't ever seem to come together. I was hoping that just not worrying about it would help, and that one day I'd just wake up ready to create. But so far that hasn't happened. If I could channel all this emotion I have I bet I could bust out a few really good pieces. But, really, most days I feel emotionless. Overload, I'm sure.
I have a meeting today to find out what the next step will be in regards to Zoe. I'm nervous. She's not happy where she's at. She's worried about where she's going. She's still trying to (in her own way) dictate what will happen, and hasn't settled into the fact that she has no choices in the matter. Feeling powerless feels horrible. I know, because I feel that way too. I've just been trying to find relief in the fact that it's not all on me right now - that I'm not worrying myself to death trying to find resources that either don't exist or just aren't even an option. Let alone relief from the day-to-day chaos that ensues when Zoe's home.
I hate saying this but Trinity was instantly happier. She gets upset when she thinks about it all. But her general attitude and mood instantly got better. She was having nightmares for a little while there but we've gone two nights now without them.
As you can see, she's sleeping pretty good!
Right now I'm just trying to win this argument with myself - is it ok for me to want to be happy when all this is happening to my child? How do I truly be happy when feeling happy just makes me feel guilty?
I want to get it in my head that trying to find happiness is not only ok, but mandatory. Otherwise, how do I just keep going? Miserably? I can't just sit around and be sad. I don't want that for myself or for Trinity.
15 of the smartest people I know said...:
You have to have inner happiness and peace in order to be able to tackle life's obstacles. Finding it and keeping it is the hard part.
I've felt helpless a lot but I can't begin to imagine how Zoe must feel. I really hope she can get into a safe place that will help her with all her needs and make her feel comfortable.
You are right!! Your happiness is mandatory! And you have Trinity to think of as well. Once Zoe gets settled into a new routine; I am sure you will feel much better about everything.
Come on over and visit and see my babies. Maybe Trinity would like one of them??
Hugs
SueAnn
It's a tough road to totally happiness. Karma is definitely part of it.
Have a wonderful RTT!
http://iamharriet.blogspot.com/2009/11/need-2-legged-dog.html
Happiness seems so mandatory, but sometimes hard to find when situations that are out of your control bring you down. Just try and go with the flow of your emotions and make it a point to try and laugh a couple times a day.
Your head will clear and the project will come busting out of you. I don't think a person can for happiness or inspiration. If you are feeling happy, be thankful for that moment of happiness in your life and just accept it. You are still a woman apart from being a mother and the little bits of happiness that you can find will fill the well, so it doesn't run dry.
<3
Don't be sad. You don't need her to see you sad all the time. It certainly won't make things better. Be happy and that might just rub off. Just saying.
Have a terrific day. Big hug. :)
If Trinity likes crafty things get her some stuff like that. Wal-mart has some stuff. Have a great day. Thanks for your well wishes. Can't wait to see how much Zoe will grow from her new adventure she has ahead of her.
Ahh... Christmas, I have no clue what to do for Christmas this year. Really trying to cut back. I have the opposite problem with two boys who want everything and a house that is already exploding with toys. A fish and a couple CD's sound great to me.
Here's a thought- you need to find happiness within yourself, before you can really spread it unto others. Don't feel guilty about it, because we have to fill ourselves with all this love and joy, in abundance, in order to spread it around without draining ourselves every day. Later, everything will click. It's not being selfish, it's taking care of your sanity, so you can be there for your family. Your daughters will recognize this, probably subconsciously, and it really wouldn't surprise me if they followed suit. Just a thought.. You've already got the idea, now the hard part is making it happen. Take care of yourself. xo
You know how I feel about the last part so I'll leave that be. If you made a cemetary calendar, are you going to be selling them?
Don't buy gifts for family if you can't afford it. I instituted that in my family a few years back and everyone was actually grateful.
I'm glad Trinity is relaxed and secure again. :)
it is ok to be happy, and to try to find ways to give your daughters happiness. being miserable is a tough existence. i think periods of misery are tough and inevitable, but i like to think that they pass and we get to some good stuff.
i hope you don't fret too much about christmas. i don't think a lot of people are spending what they used to. and if it is a fish and 2 cds under the tree, that is ok! that isn't bad!
and the creativity will come when the stress abates. hang in there. it will. :)
I think that you need to do what is best for everyone andif it means getting Zoe help, away from home, then so be it. Trinity also needs to be happy and she needs you. You'll be better able to handle both, I think, this way.
And I think that Zoe needs help that only professionals can supply. We, as mother's, sometime think we can fix everything.
I can't wait for Find My Family. I am a huge fan of The Locator.
BIG (((((HUGS))))
I think that there already is a show like that. And I agree, I don't like tv shows or songs that are made to obviously play on emotions. I call that hokey. Blech.
Thanks for stopping by.
Although I bet a good heaping of artsy-crafty goodness would help you out a bunch right now, I can only imagine that your muse is busy trying to keep the logical side of your brain from completely exploding at any given moment.
Don't feel bad for trying to feel good. You are an AWESOME mom, and the happier you are the more awesome (sane, capable, so on and so forth) you will be! <3 <3 <3
No, I do not think that guilt in feeling relief or happiness is something you have to have, though I could see that it would be perfectly natural at the same time. I can see being happy that things are finally moving and that she's getting the help and resources that she needs would be healthy. But I know it can't be easy to really embrace that, to say the very least.
She's very lucky to have you. She's very lucky that you care so much. That you love her so much. So many kids in her position simply do not have that. And she may not be able to see the sense of it now, and maybe none of you can right now, but hopefully, in time, the healing will happen.
Looks like everyone said what I came here to say.
You deserve to find a bit of happiness in everything, and knowing you are doing what is best for everyone should be a comfort.
There is light in every darkness, somewhere.
Love to you and the girls and everyone in your lives,
Lora
Post a Comment